Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
