No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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