This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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