i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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