I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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