don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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