all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
