Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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