i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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