It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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