Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the day after is always just damage control
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
