i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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