Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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