I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
