he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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