if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
