We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
