After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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