ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
