I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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