My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize