I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
