You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
