I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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