she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
