If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
