I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
