there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
