Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
