It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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