Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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