I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
