gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize