the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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