when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
