When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
