and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
