I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
