i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
