I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
