im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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