I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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