He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
