Umm I'm too high to move.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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