Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Mom said you looked used
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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