i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
