He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
