That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
