I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.