Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?