Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex

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(917): View more from New York City

I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out

(1-917): View more from New York City

We've been saying that since '98

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(512): View more from Texas

I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(325): View more from Texas

The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

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(801): View more from Utah

You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.

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(716): View more from New York

its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

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(515): View more from Iowa

He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.

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