Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.