Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
