Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.