Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/152p
  Replies (9) Good night (2492) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control http://tfl.nu/09xh
  Replies (24) Good night (1352) Bad night (3623)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): 47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over. (1-647): Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead? http://tfl.nu/n8gs
  Replies (57) Good night (1265) Bad night (5757)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips? http://tfl.nu/n3qx
  Replies (19) Good night (3417) Bad night (3543)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
  Replies (14) Good night (5348) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches. http://tfl.nu/n5i2
  Replies (17) Good night (4931) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible http://tfl.nu/fm0j
  Replies (4) Good night (1675) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with

  (509): View more from Washington

  Isn't life beautiful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with (509): Isn't life beautiful? http://tfl.nu/f406
  Replies (13) Good night (2165) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio.. (856): i wasnt really sure how to responde to that. http://tfl.nu/m794
  Replies (9) Good night (673) Bad night (1704)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals http://tfl.nu/fp9n
  Replies (5) Good night (788) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West. http://tfl.nu/935n
  Replies (6) Good night (1298) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl
  Replies (1) Good night (1248) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks http://tfl.nu/ddr9
  Replies (10) Good night (496) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom. http://tfl.nu/5pcj
  Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day. http://tfl.nu/eul1
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (396)

Randomize