We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize