What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
