I'm so fucking centered right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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