The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
