That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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