it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
