remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
