I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
