my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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