hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
