yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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