I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I could fuck to npr.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
