Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
