barbara walters just said penis...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
