Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
